


Turn the Lights Off

by Zebooboo



Category: Destiny (Video Games)
Genre: Gen, Grief/Mourning, Head Injury, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Self-Harm, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-16
Updated: 2019-09-16
Packaged: 2020-10-19 13:50:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20658284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zebooboo/pseuds/Zebooboo
Summary: He felt wretched just thinking about it.





	Turn the Lights Off

**Author's Note:**

> I'm just venting my stress and frustrations here and I gravitate towards Tevis enough to make him suffer with me.

Sometimes when he was in the City, he would go through the trouble of actually finding some cigarettes, just to watch the smoke rise and be blown away. He hated the smell, he hated the taste, the heat it put out against his face when he held it up. But it felt good, almost cathartic to see the flame burn it down to ash.

But there were times where he also wanted to smoke the entire set of packs he got and not be able to talk. Because it was easier to not talk and bang his head against the walls than to _think _about what's been happening. Much easier to pass out and never feel the pain, rathat than risk having to listen to Cayde shout and rage and break down into something that he can't _fix. _

Tevis hits his head against the wall again with enough force to rattle his brain. The swelling on his forehead throbs painfully and the ache wraps around his skull, with a bright point of growing numbness right above the bridge of his nose. His thoughts are hazy, his ears are ringing, his eyes sting with unshed tears that he doesn't try to pin to the pain in his head or the hopeless loss in his chest. He doesn't, he won't.

He grinds his forehead into the wall, keeps grinding and pushing until he feels the slickness of blood start to ease the twisting drag of his head against brick. And he just keeps going, until every thought has been milled down to dust in his mind. Until the pain is all that remains and he can just keep it up until he breaks down too. Right, left, right, left, right...

He doesn't want to think anymore.

\---

Cayde is crying again. Or as close as the exo can get.

Tevis cracks open his eyes to sunlight shining through the blinds in horizontal stripes. His eyes sting, can't focus and the headache throbs behind his eyeballs and makes his stomach feel queasy. He hears Cayde keen through the wall before a thud follows, along with some hushed talking Tevis can't make out.

The Hunter closes his eyes and slowly, painfully twists his stiff neck around, away from the light. He moves his head a bit to the side, to a part of the wall not full of his blood. All of his spine feels like it's on fire from having slept slumped against the wall, but he pays it little mind and closes his eyes again, waiting for oblivion to take him back.

He breathes slowly, carefully, in time with the blood rushing in his ears. The coolness of the wall is a small comfort to his heated and swollen skin but it's so much easier to dismiss the pain and the ache in his chest and the dizziness when his eyes are closed and he doesn't let a thought pass through his head. Now that Cayde is quiet again he can just let go.

A minute passes and Tevis is on the cusp of unconsciousness when the door to his room creaks open. He twitches, startled and opens his eyes. A blurry shape slips through the door, closing it behind them and taking careful steps towards him. He watches from the floor, the shape resolving into Shiro with the proximity, not because his eyes are any more focused.

The scout looks him over and raises a hand to prod a finger around Tevis' temple. He hisses and jerks back in pain. His back seizes and the muscles in his sides contract at the sudden movement. He lets out a whine and slumps against the wall again. But the whine annoys his cigarette clogged throat, making him cough.

His back spasms in pain and Tevis feels miserable. He barely registers the hand moving soothingly down his back. After some time of painful coughing, he spits out a glob of phlegm and spit and heaves in ragged breaths. His headache has intensified and he hurts all over.

Cool fingers pat his back and smooth back his matted, bloody hair back from his forehead. Even the gentle scrape of the cool mesh of the exo's fingers send stings of pain to his overworked nerves. He groans when Shiro pushes him slowly away from the wall. He hooks his steady arms under Tevis' armpits and heaves him up.

Tevis scrambles to put his feet beneath him before Shiro wraps a guiding arm around his waist and steers him outide, down the corridor to a different room. If Tevis were to guess by the smell of gun oil and the slight ozone in the air, it was Shiro's. He hasn't bothered to open his eyes again, the blurriness would only serve to make him nauseous.

He's pushed down to sit on the bed and Shiro pats his cheek gently a couple of times. Tevis risks an eye to open, just to indicate his attention. Shiro's voice comes out rough and staticky, but quiet and Tevis can only feel thr most fleeting feeling of gratitude for his aching head.

"Do you want a mercy kill? You probably gave yourself a concussion, it's gonna be bad for a while." Tevis closes his eye again and sighs. Feels about right, feels just like enough. Just enough pain. He slowly shakes his head no.

Shiro pats his shoulder and whispers at him to not lay down yet. Tevis exhales audibly and curls slightly over himself when Shiro moves away. He hears some distant cluttering and water running and finally he registers the heat at his back. Cayde's familiar Light pushes against him and feels the man shift on the bed beside him.

For a moment he feels thrown, like it's just another day after returning from the Wilds, where they all pile up into one bed, even when it never fits all four of them. Just another time when Tevis is so tired, the Void is starting to creep up his consciousness with whispers and cold and one of the others is making sure he doesn't drop out in his mucked up armor or bleeding all over himself before they all go to sleep. Just like he would for any of the others.

His eyes prick with tears and he's not sure if they are from frustration, tiredness, helplessness or even the grief he refuses to acknowledge perching in his chest. He coughs once and some of the tears fall uselessly down his face.

He hasn't even thought to check on Shiro and Cayde, hasn't tried to even pretend at being there with them. He hates himself for that and his stomach roils with revulsion. A sob escapes him before he can smother it. Another climbs his throat and Shiro is there picking up his face and brushing away the tears with gentle hands.

His face is scrunched up in pain and he sobs quietly for a moment while Shiro stands there running a hand through his hair and over his shoulders and staying suspiciously silent. Tevis wraps fingers around a metal wrist and he can hear the hitch in Shiro's voice coder.

He's tired enough that crying is too taxing for the body and slowly the tears stop and he's heaving slow breaths so he won't lose the meager contents of his stomach. Shiro's hands return to his face with a wet cloth, wiping down his cheeks and then catefully dabbing at the dried blood at his temples and nose and over the broken skin of his forehead. He winces at the drag of the towel over the maimed flesh but otherwise remains silent.

Shiro wraps a bandage around his head once he deems him clean enough. He tugs his ranky shirt over his head and pulls him into a clean one. His shoulders protest the movement but he pays the stiff muscles no mind. He's pulled to his feet once again and made to step out of his pants, speckled with old blood and ash and fresh tears and then out of his underwear as well before Shiro pulls up new pairs and pushes him back down on the bed until he lays down and the covers are pulled over him.

It's warm under the covers, Cayde's Light making them a cocoon of warmth and soon enough, Tevis feels the bed dip and dares to opens his eyes. Cayde is looking back at him, his eyes two blurry, very dim points of blue light, where usually they are bright and twinkling and dancing and Tevis aches to see him like this. It hurts more to see him now than it had to hear him break into a million pieces the last couple of days.

He drags his hands up from his sides to set them against Cayde's chest and lean in to rest his bandaged head to Cayde's sternum. A shudder runs through Cayde and a glitchy sound jumps out of his throat and an arm wraps around Tevis, fingers clutching at his shirt. A moment later the bed moves and another hand joins Cayde's at his waist. Shiro has laid himself against Cayde's back and thrown an arm over both of them before settling in.

It was like that, piled up, that Tevis felt the coil of grief loosen slightly in his chest and some tears gather up and fall into Cayde's shirt with little more than a sharp breath. Andal was gone, he would have to accept it. They all would. He felt wretched just thinking about it. So he smothers his face against Cayde and feels two arms tighten around him.

Maybe in the morning, it might be better. He doubted it very much. But until then, oblivion called. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
